My life is a charade...kisses in the air and making mundane conversation with people who don't really matter... who I wouldn't even miss if they were not around or kicked the bucket...which ever came first...I'm smoking like crazy, hoping that each day finishes as quickly and effortlessly as a cigarette...but it never does...At the end of it, I'm tired, distraught and end up going home hating every single one of these morons... I mean what are these bloomin' idiots so happy about? I'm sure their life sucks as much as mine, only they lack the insight to see it... They go on living a lie... and that lie becomes their life...

Took some facebook survey today... (That's what journos do when they refuse to work) It was about how normal you are... There was this question about whether I would like to change something about my perception of life --- as in be more positive etc... And I said 'yes'... How bizarre! Here I am, totally downgrading and bitching about these 'loser excuses for human beings' and then I want to be one of them? Maybe temporarily, yes, but at the end of the day I'd rather be a miserable, old woman who knows about life than a twit who thinks that he has had a "happy" life... Funny how easily I can write when I'm depressed... (Some asshole trying to act smart with me just broke my concentration ...*#@$*#) Hmmm... So where was I... Ah yes...Who am I kidding...I revel in depression... It's dark, comforting, it's home, it's me, it's my life...